No one is judging you

I used to be the type of person who could do anything on their own.

I went on trips alone. I went out to eat and to movies alone. I moved to a different country on my own.

It was something I really liked about myself. I enjoyed my own company so much that some friends back home (playfully) made fun of me when I questioned why one of them didn’t just go to the beach by themselves, if that’s what they wanted to do.

But lately, either through laziness or because I’m being too self conscious, I’ve hesitated to go out and do things by myself. Even something as simple as going out for a walk on my own becomes something I need to convince myself to do.

When I break it down and think about it logically, I’m not sure why I’ve started feeling like this. Even if I run into someone I know (which is very unlikely in London, a city of over 8 million people) what would I have to be ashamed of?

Furthermore, I wouldn’t think twice if I saw someone I knew out and about in the city by themselves.

This is when it occurred to me that this self consciousness comes from a place of pure narcissism. Not only is no one judging me but it’s unlikely that most people even think twice about me or who I’m with (or not with, as it may be) but I’d even be willing to bet that most people are so concerned with their own lives, they’re busy concerning themselves with things they think I might be judging them for.

I need to go back to doing things by myself, for myself and not thinking of what other people think of me. There’s so much I’d like to do and see in London alone (never mind all the other traveling I’d like to do) that letting something so irrational hold me back is ridiculous. I’m going to go back to doing things just for me.

 

(Ps, happy, Niq?)

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